"There's a Girl in My Soup." lyrics...

I've said my goodbyes.
Packed everything I own, into a suitcase.
In retrospect, you didn't mean anything.
You meant no harm.
I meant you harm.

Forever riding trains, from ocean to ocean.
Forever on the run, I've made mistakes.

I need to see opportunity.
I need to feel the cold moving air.
So I'll leave here, without saying anything, to anyone.
I feel no need to apologize.
I have never got one.


We'll see what you look like, without me to effect your habits.
I forced you to do this to yourself.
I feel good about every part of it.

Christmas

As a Christian, I have my own idea about what Christmas is. Along with however many Christians there are, we know that Christmas is about the birth of Jesus Christ.

That being said, I still enjoy getting presents. But as it turns out, I am not getting any presents this year. I asked for cash, but because T-Mobile screwed me royally my mom had to put $300 into my bank account to stop it from getting anymore charges, which had occurred to $289.17

So, I am not really expecting anything for me to open tomorrow except maybe some pistachios. And that's only because my sister asked my Mom what kind of nuts I liked, and my Mom asked me.

So instead of getting some green notes made from trees. I'm getting some green things that grow hanging off trees. I feel bad for being upset for not getting anything for Christmas, when there are people that can't eat daily. That all sounds really cliche, but it's true. My Mom gave me the gift of not having my bank account getting screwed anymore.

It's good for me, but I wish that I had something to open tomorrow other than some nuts.

So, because I'm a selfish American and I already have a pretty good life considering I have plenty of food to eat and a place to live...here's my Christmas wish list:

-A new MacBook. Mine is nice, but those aluminum ones are just so pretty.
-A really enjoyable awesome job. Preferences include:
Apple, American Apparel, Urban Outfitters, Somewhere else that sells Apple stuff, Starbucks.
-Said job being in Portland, so I can live in my favorite city.
-A Vespa or some other type of cool scooter.
-iPod Touch (32 GB)
-iPhone (16 GB White)
-Photoshop CS4


So there. That's what I would be opening on Christmas Day.

Happy Birthday Jesus, Happy Field Day Commercialism.

This might offend my 2 best friends if they read this

It is completely ridiculous to say that after only being together for roughly 6 months that you have been through a lot. What have you really gone through? A few fights, a few family squabbles, what else really? You might have spent a lot of nights together, presumably not sleeping...but that doesn't mean you know absolutely everything about each other.

If either of my friends read this, I'm truly sorry, but you're being silly. I know I am not the best person to be giving out "love life" advice. I put way to much thought and effort into a girl that more or less ignored me. She toyed with me and killed my spirit and I still chased after her. But I really think I did love her. I'm almost over her now, it has definitely subsided since I've left town.

And I'm not saying that you're not in love, that is very well possible. I believe that you can't tell someone that they're in love or not. But that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about the fact that you've been dating for less than a year, less than 3/4 of a year and you're acting like you've been married your whole life.

This is only bothering me because I feel history is repeating itself with one of my friends. I'm going to be the one that gets pushed aside for something that is perceived as a mature adult relationship. Just because you're 18 doesn't mean you're an adult. I am not an adult, legally yes, I am. But I am in no way mature enough.

I am the one who knows everything about you. I am the one who has been there for everything that has happened for years and years (and years and years in one case). Now, your significant others may know these things about you as well. But I was there when they happened, I was there to be the one that gave advice, I was there to help you through it, I was there when it was happening to us, I was there. I have always been there, these people have been there for you for a few months. And somehow they are more important than me.

Now...this situation would be different if you were in an actual mature relationship and you knew you were going to spend the rest of your life with this person. In that case I would understand and back off. It makes perfect sense, but this isn't that situation. These are people you were mere friends with (in 1 current case and 1 past case, you were introduced BY ME), and decided through a few flirts and touches to start dating...and immediately thought of as your soul mate that had been through so much and were gonna never break up. It's silly, it's immature, and I'm hurt that I'm so disposable.


I know this is slightly mean spirited, it's not supposed to be. I'm upset at something that happened a few days ago that I noticed today.


I am the person that always stays single.
I am the person that helps you through your tough time when they happen.
I am the one who is there for you when someone breaks your heart.
I am the one who is there to help you make fun of people.
I am the one who is there to hang out with you whenever you want.
I am the one who you've known 100x's longer.
I am your best friend.
And I am not disposable.
And I am sick of feeling disposable.




***EDIT*** I am not saying this is anyone's fault, I never meant for it to sound like that. These are just my feelings, I'm also not saying that YOUR relationships are immature, that part was about younger kids that are "in love" after being together 4 days.

Regional Differences in the Art of "Hardcore Dancing"

I hate the title "Hardcore Dancing"

I understand that this style of dancing was first done on the east coast at Hardcore shows... but it just begs to be made fun of. And it does get made fun of, by the people that don't understand it and/or do it. They don't understand the appeal of what they see as just swinging your arms and legs around. The same goes for dancers too though. We don't see the appeal of running into each other and rubbing on each other covered in yours and other peoples sweat. This is all kind of deterring from the main idea of of this blog. The main idea is observing different styles based on what part of the country you're in.

It's kind of like different styles of food. Because regional differences in food are so different that they almost seem like different country's. In the south, if it isn't fried, it probably isn't going to be served. In New York City, it's all about world cuisines. Everything from every part of the world is smashed into one city. In the northwest, it is known as a vegetarian, vegan and organic hub. Maybe this is better explained as relating to accents and dialects of the same language. We all speak English, but different accents are sometimes very difficult to understand, to the point were we don't care to speak to anyone of certain dialects, myself included. I am from a place that has a very neutral dialect. So therefore I really hate talking to people with really strong southern or New England accents.

The same goes for Hardcore Dancing.

-I have not been very far east, but watching videos of eastern dancers has given me a tiny bit of insight into their style. They are fast, I mean FAST. And they really don't care whether or not they hit you and break your nose. They seem very inconsiderate of other people, but I am not criticizing them for it. It's what they were shown and what they know to do. They also utilize more of their whole bodies then I've seen anywhere else.

-I cannot really speak for anything in the south. The only thing I've seen is the Florida Two-Step. Which is very spread out and wide. But done to the same down beats we all step to. I would like to know if everything else they do is that spread out.

-The midwest style is something I have recently been witnessing. I am not technically in the "Midwest" but I am far enough into the country that I consider it to be. It's not the pacific time zone, therefore I'm counting it as not the west. Anyway, I have lived in Denver for 8 months now. And I have been to plenty of shows and seen what these kids are all about. Dancers in Denver are very groove oriented. They have special Two-Steps for various parts of the song. not many people cross-step like we do in the Northwest. So I got funny looks a lot. Instead they kick their legs backward in time to the beat. And during bridges that are down beats and are all drums, they move really slow and stand straight up while alternating their legs left and right backward, while keeping them together. Lots of kicking, not so much arms. More adept people do a lot of flips.

-Now to Oregon. There are three different styles in our fine state. The Portland style, the Bend style, and the small group of people that are in a tight circle that make up the Medford style.

A) The Portland style is a mix of East coast and Midwest styles. They dance a lot like the kids here in Denver, but without the different two-steps. And they have the disregard that the East Coast kids have.

B) The Bend style is a very well rounded style. They are up in the air a lot. A lot of jumping kicks, a lot of arm movement at the same time as leg movement. Very fluid, yet choppy. It looks really great in a big group. And makes the dancer seem like he/she has extremely long limbs. Bend dancers have a uniform that compliments their style. Loose fitting basketball shorts help with the high flying kicks. And tight fitting Puma's help with traction on the wood floors.

C) The Medford style, as previously mentioned, is made up of a very small groups of people. There are 5 core dancers that are moving at every show. There are a few others that kind of dance, but not really. I am in this core groups of 5 people. And the rest of them are 4 of the closest friends I have. Our style is very different from Bend or Portland styles. We are pretty considerate of other people and don't like to crowd kill, and we watch behind us and apologize for hitting anybody just standing there enjoying the show like they want to. We don't use a lot of kicks like Bend, and we also like to stay on the ground. Us Medford dancers are mostly arms, but without doing a lot of "windmills". We utilize the entirety of the "pit", we circle it while we are waiting for the breakdown, and when it comes a lot of the moves we do cross the "pit" from side to side. We borrow a uniform from different styles, although to the majority of us don't always stick to it. We borrow pullover hoodies from the east coast, we borrow our Puma's and other tight fitting shoes from Bend, and a few of us wear headbands, borrowed from Portland dancer style. Because their are very few of us that dance, we stick together at shows and we have to fight to dance in our own hometown. It is a constant war between moshers and dancers in our town. They like to slam into us when we aren't harming them in anyway. It gets to the point were we turn hostile towards them and end up kicking them to defend ourselves and to get them out of the way. It almost comes to blows a lot fo the time.

My style has been morphed a lot, I still don't do many kicks. But I am now a lot more groove oriented like the kids in Denver. I have sort of picked up the different types of two-steps, and I can't wait to show my friends how they do it in the Rockies. I will miss the constant stream of shows from good national bands...but I miss my friends more.


This was just my observation and reflection on the different styles of something that is so misunderstood by so many. If you read this, I appreciate it, and I hope you comment with something constructive.

Geek Out Moment (this is a long one)

Okay. So one thing I like to do is watch all the old Stevenotes from Macworld Expos. I love to do this because it lets me see how far technology has come. A few years ago a computer that had an 800 MHz processor was considered a super computer. And a few years ago, a computer with less features would cost up to $700 dollars more. It's great to see how much better and cheaper you can get thing now.

Macworld 2003. Apple introduced the very first 17" notebook computer. Nobody had ever had a 17" before. And they included another industry first. A backlit keyboard, with an ambient light sensor that automatically brought the backlight up as the room lights went down. It blew peoples minds, and obviously was copied in almost every other high end notebook to this day. They also introduced a new wireless internet standard 802.11g. Which is now on it's way out to make way for 802.11n (which Apple also introduced to notebooks). They did all these things while making a larger notebook than any of their competetors while also making it thinner and lighter than any competing notebook computer. This computer was a little less than 1 inch thick and weighed only 6.8 pounds, while most other notebooks that had 15" screens were up to 2 inches thick and weighed up to 10 pounds.

They also introduced the worlds smallest full featured notebook computer. It had a 12" screen. Now mind you, this is measured diagonally so the actual width of the computer was roughly 11". It had all the same features as the 17" notebook but was a little slower. It was 1.2" thick and weighed 4.6 pounds. Which is a little thicker and more than a little lighter than the computer I am currently typing this on.

This is widely considered the greatest of Steve Jobs' Keynote speeches. With every announcement the crowd went bananas. Apple introduced so many industry first which are now industry standards.

And I feel now that this excitement is gone from computing.

In 2007, Apple introduced the iPhone. It was phenomenal, it was different, it was truly revolutionary. That was exciting, even if it was and is flawed. At Macworld 2008, Apple introduced the MacBook Air. "The World's Thinnest Notebook Computer" and it is goregeous. It is extremely thin, and at first it was exciting. But when people realized how much stuff was missing, the excitement turned into almost hostility. It doesn't have a disc drive, which Apple still contends that most future notebooks won't need them. It has only one USB port that is really hard for anything except Apple cable to get to. It wastes a space in the I/O, that could be used for another USB port, for an external display hook up. This is Apple's foray into the subnotebook/netbook market, yet it has a full 13" display and keyboard. I spoke with a man that refuses to buy any new Macs because they are too big. He is still using a 12" PowerBook G4. He figured out that Apple could make a notebook with a full size keyboard and only have an 11.6" display. Many Apple fans and Mac users dream of a Mac netbook, and for every keynote or special event they dream Steve will announce it. And for the most part, it angers them that Apple made the MBA as their answer to other company's netbooks, which all have disc drives. The MBA is way more expensive than a more featured, and faster MacBook that is only 1/4 of an inch bigger than the thickest point of the MBA.

What this all kind of comes down too I guess, is that Apple fanatics are begging for something and Apple is ignoring them. They were there when Apple was wasting time and money on things like, TiVo type devices, video game consoles, digital cameras, portable CD players, and other rediculous things. And though most of those things they tried were the first of their kind, they weren't what Apple needed to be focusing on. And loyal Apple enthusiasts stuck by them. They sent out emails about how great the Mac was, they went to computer stores on their days off and voluntarily helped sell Macs to customers. And Apple is ignoring and insulting these people.

I have been an Apple geek for almost 6 years now. Although I have only been an official Mac owner for a month or so. I have always felt part of the Apple community. I have been an Apple activist, and zealot for all those years even when I didn't own one. I know what I am talking about more than a lot of people that work in the Apple retail stores.

Apple users will always be there, but they are getting sick of being ignored. If Apple unveils another 12" notebook or smaller, their will be block parties thrown. Apple's stock will once again and as always shoot up. And maybe more people will use their computer and other products.


If you read this whole thing...thanks. It would be cool if you would comment and told me what you think.

my life consisting of...

Here's what I do on a daily basis.

I wake up anywhere between 11:30 and 1:30.
I put clothes on.
I go pee.
I make myself some lunch, lately consisting of some sort of noodle.
I watch TV with my Mom while she talks on the phone.
I check all my accounts online (Mail, MySpace, Twitter, Facebook, US Bank. In that order).
Check various sites for new info (MacRumors, YouTube, Craigslist, Apple)
I look to see if there's anybody I want to talk to on MSN & AIM.
More TV & general computer business, usually at the same time.
Argue with my Mom about something trivial.
More TV.
Figure what to have/where to go for dinner.
Eat dinner, while watching more TV.
Eat ice cream, if I'm lucky enough to have it.
More TV.
Mom goes to bed.
I turn off the TV.
I turn on Last.FM or iTunes if I don't feel adventurous.
I do more of the same stuff on the computer that I did at the beginning of my day.
Around midnight-ish I go to my room.
If I'm feeling cultural I read whatever book I'm currently checking out.
If not (which is usually the case) I watch a movie.
When the movies over, I close my computer and lay in bed.
Then I pick my computer back up and stay awake on it for another few hours.
I usually go to bed around 4:00 am.

Rinse, Repeat.

my aspirations

I want to play music.
I want to tour the country and maybe the world to play music.
I want kids at a show to scream my lyrics at the top of their lungs.

But I've realized I need a backup plan...

I was thinking about graphic design. Living in Portland designing merch and websites, sounds like a lot of fun. But now there's something else that has caught my interest.

Maybe I should become an audio engineer. I can rent a cool 4 bedroom house in a cool neighborhood. Maybe something in SE Portland... Bands can come and track their albums and stay at the house. The master bedroom can be mine. I can save one bedroom for a roomate. And the other two bedrooms I can put bunk beds in. 4 beds per room is enough space for any band to stay.

I think this is a good idea. I can go to audio engineering school somewhere in Portland. And then I can record bands while also working on my own.

Things I Need:

Money for College
Money for Deposits on the House
A Cool House
A MacPro or PowerMac G5
A Soundboard
Soundproofing Panels, lots of them.
Equipment (House Instruments & Mics)
Pro Tools Software
Bands that want to Record
Record Labels that want to Pay for Their Bands to Record
Furniture(4 Sets of Bunk Beds, Couches, Chairs, Tables)
Wireless Router for the House


So if anybody has any of that stuff they wanna give me... :P

I watched a man kill himself today.

My mother and I went on a search for the Honeybaked Ham store about 3 hours ago. Google Maps gave us these weird directions to an address that doesn't exist. So we went and got some lunch and got new directions. At about 1:30 ish we head out to go to the actual address of a place that does exist.

We are on the highway, not a major freeway. Just a state highway, we are talking and listening to Brand New.

I was looking down at the directions and my mom swerves really hard to the right. I look up to see what the hell she was doing. And there is a large Ford cargo van that is going around 80 MPH swerving between cars and nearly clipping every single car on the road. He then pulls a hard left and goes into the median, he rolls the van into oncoming traffic, hitting a few cars and flipping another.

This happened literally 100 feet in front of our car. He nearly rear ended us, and because of a very literal divine miracle my mom decided to look into her rear view mirror. We stop the car, so does everyone else. My mom pulls out her phone and through her tears tells a 911 operator what happened. We drive past the wreck, and there is a flipped over Subaru. Completely on it's back, with everything smashed and somebody stuck inside. A little further the van is on it's side smashed to bits. The man that was driving the van had been flung from his vehicle and was laying on his stomach, not moving, covered in blood. He was obviously dead, nobody could have survived that.

This man was trying to kill himself. He succeeded, along with possibly killing at least 1 other person.

I watched a man kill himself and somebody else today. I don't feel well. I am not going to feel well for a while.

***UPDATE***I just watched the news. The man who was driving the van is alive along with everyone he hit. He was rushed to Swedish Medical Center, which is literally 100 feet walk from my house. If I knew his name, I would tell them I am his cousin and walk into his room and spit in his face. If he was trying to kill himself, he did it in the most selfish way possible. I still don't feel well, but I am now also angry. HE LITERALLY WAS INCHES FROM HITTING OUR CAR AND ABOUT 10 OTHERS. He was selfish, if you want to kill yourself do it in your home, shoot yourself, drink bleach, i don't care. But don't risk other peoples lives because you are too pathetic to live yours.

Menopause

I seriously think my mom is going through the change. Today she decides to be really bitchy and mean, and when I say anything to her, she calls me an asshole and leaves. It finally came to ahead earlier tonight when I (jokingly) said to her that she should let me use her health insurance so I can get surgery on my sinuses.

She flips out and yells at me again and grabs my computer by the cables that are plugged into it, which wouldn't have been a problem if just the magsafe was plugged in, but I also had an ethernet cable plugged in. This seems to be her favorite thing to do now, because earlier she threatened to break my computer, and I told her she would owe me money since I payed for this whole computer myself. And she said that I would have to take her to court, because she wouldn't pay me a dime.

This is the latest I've stayed up in more than 2 weeks. And I think it's partially because the "It's Always Sunny..." season finale was on at 11:00. But it's most likely because I can't stop thinking about how insane this is. And knowing that it is going to be just as bad tomorrow.

I hope it's not. And I still can't breathe.

nothing really

this is basically just something that fills up the space, that is my first post on here...check back for important stuff

Things I Need

A badass job.
To save money to move home.
A larger hard drive, i guess 60 GB isn't sufficent even for now.
A wireless router.(A Time Capsule would solve this and the one above)
A hard copy of Leopard, so when I get this new HD, I have an OS to install on it.
GarageBand, for some reason I have every other iLife program but that one...
My license.
An even more badass job.


this was pointless, but thats what blogs are for...

Dumb Lyrics

Cut it off at the knees.
The streets will run...
with the stench of your disease.
I've turned my head one too many times.

I won't settle anymore.
I won't let your filth invade my life.
You know what you've done...
and now it's time you taste your defeat.

THIS TIME IT'S YOUR HEAD!

I'm no longer tolerant.
You have no right to be pointing fingers.

By the end of this...
you will have leaped down from your pedestal.
You know what you've done...
and now it's time you taste your defeat.

NO MORE IS IT YOU OR ME!